far's blog

i cant get enough sleep..

#ppcs lecture

#duration : 2hours

#mood:sleepy

#situation: the lecturer keep on lecturing over and over again. she is a good lecturer, but yet 2 hours class dude! at least 5 mins break, that's all we need.no.that's all I need~! aiyark

i am too sleepy that i almost dozed off. i cant get my eyes straight open.my ears half-open.c'mon.feel like i want to escape the class whole day.my own fault i stay up late this morning cause me to feel sleepy in class.i stay up late for nothing.watching Kdo series Super-Rookie the new employee  and Prison Break up till 5.30 in the morning, and i just have class in 8am in the morning.huaaa..mmg x sedar diri..tsk3..~

oya,talking bout irregular sleep, after back from bank and post office, i went back to my room, and went sleep after prayer, then i just wake up at 11.30pm. i even did not sungkai(bebuka) for today.just wake up when my fwen send my mcD order to my room.think that i am too tired.tired for nothing.huhuh~

my seminar is to be postponed on wednesday.tsktsk..dun like.i was planning to relax after seminar which supposed to be held on tuesday, but yet, after it been postponed to wednesday,my gelisah wont just go away.isk4..hopfully everythin went just ok..ya ALLAH.. help me.

oh ya, talking bout goin back, me already pack my stuff a bit in my luggage.not properly pack la, but stil, i had put all the unnecessary things in the luggage.no worried much gain.hehe..i am just afraid i might end up bringing too much stuff aka overweight.haih~ hopfully i can settle things just fine.haih~

now i cant sleep, n doing my laundry, packing and now watching Apa Kata Hati, where Farid Kamil and Raja Farah as a star. Not dissapointing though, becouz the film makes me giggle. haha..enough2 .. tired blogging.

bye2~!

it always makes me thinking back..

i thought i am really free this week, but it seems like my mind dint associate with my body.monday.mandarin test 2.done.tuesday.mce computer assignment.done.mn assignment.done.wednesday.ppcs lab report.done.and now im tired.thinking that i can get a rest,even for a while even making me tired.my mind tired.but my body arent.as i mentioned before,my mind just dint associate with my body.T_T

as for today,its Nuzul Quran day, so it becomes a public holiday ere in Perak(well i guess all around semenanjung also holiday today),and i spent my day by completing my ppcs lab report(which i started from las nite up to this 5 in the mornin).and im just woke up at 3.30pm.quiet a long sleep i guess.well,im a heavysleeper after all.undeniable.i can stay up without sleep for two or three days , and yet i can sleep (redeem all my slept) with just one day sleep.the whole day sleep.huhuh~

well,actually while im in the middle of doing my ppcs lab report for individual report, i am so into the report and while im listening to the raya song, all bring back the memories.i am all of sudden,miss my late grandpa and grandma.how will this year raya without 'em in kampung.i had no more grandparents and no more kampung feels this time for sure.how can i imagines my raya this year? im going to be the head of the family(since kakak iya n am not going back this raya).i just dont like this.i just want to have life back to normal.i just want to have my life just like an old times.but i know all of this is impossible.times just wont get back.everything just din go fine.its either i want it or not,i should go by the flow.

i am all stressed out, bcouz need to finished up one more lab report and doing the fyp tingy called seminar.i am just soo worried that i might passed out.=( whatever it is, cmon far! bring it down! *heavy sigh*

 

 

i am getting sick of it, every day, every mins, every seconds count..

today i went outing with Jimmy and his younger sister, ida , out to ipoh. an outing that i never planned to done during this weekend. but thinking back that i need to buy bus ticket for raya, and also thinking of buying gift for Kak Wan, my ex-roomate during my intern back in KL, so i decide to went off to ipoh.i am not that free at all. seriously. i am quite bz this month. week after week , makes me really tension and almost went crazy.sometimes i just can't control myself.i had enough.now i am tired. i am being sick being kind and sweet to people around me. whoever they are.i just getting sick of it,soo fcuked up.i am so angry and hated my self enough to makes me hate and angry all peoples around me.inside me , im burn, im soo uncontrolled that i think i may went crazy.seriously.i think myself become psycho, almost crazy, and totally mentally disturbed.=(

i should stop thinking bout what should i do, what i should not do.it just fcuking annoying.

i am so hating kind of people asking how longer the meeting would be, because it just shows their availability and commitment to the meeting is not hundred percent.at least,that's what i would interpret on my own view.that's y i hated it.that's also y i always soo have this sudden moods changes.it just so not right.i am too crazy to be normal.

i told myself over n over many times to learn on how to control my self much better, but it just didnt help anythin at all. fcuked myself, and hating myself for this kind of problem. sheet! =(

i am too tired to think straight. off up till now. hoping everythin will end up soon.

me vs cat.

fuh,finally i got this free time to update my blog. Thank God. This week is really really a hectic and i am quiet tired as hell. even my brain cannot functioning well. I'v been hit with lot lot n lot of workload and its quiet heavy for me to handle. yet, luckily, and Alhamdulillah, now, and at this very moment, I am thankul, especially to Syuk, for lending me her hand when i am really needs one. Thank you , syuk. And for this week, i had..

finished my FYP progress report and submitted it yesterday (11/09 - a day early before the due, today - 12/09)

get my MN lab report done

completing my MN assignment #3 successfully

perform completely on my case study lab for group IACS

done my assignment on IACS..

submitting the Graduation Audit 2009 to Exam Unit ( i do count this as a work load since i need to go through every subject that i'v done..)

having my test IACS just now!!! yoorrrayy!! [ even tho i know that i might not get good result, yet, im relief tht i'ts over ]

honestly, this week really stressed me out. oya, forgot, there's actually one more things to be submitted, which is my ppcs group project, but luckily the due has been extend to next week. *sigh*

n , the more stressing thing was.. now my room no longer occupied by two person, there is an extra intruder coming in, a CAT. Shit, i dun like it. Personally, i dun like it. My friends who knows me well should know this much clearer. It jus bcoz my romate would like to keep one, she did mention this beforehand, and i am really disagree and quiet upset and worry. bcoz i dont like cat.i though she just saying what she thought, in the mean time i am hoping that she wouldnt keeping her word. I am really worried. hundred times i told my self not to be paranoid, and what she said, is just a saying. not turning it into reality. but my paranoia becomes true, and i am not dreaming. she just bought a cat last wednesday. i am quiet shock, coz i dint thought this could happen.all along, i thought amongs place in utp, my room would be the safest place to be, but now, my room no longer safe for me. i am just to worried and hated to think bout what would happen. i am becoming more and more stress this way. I just couldnt say no, bcouz its people's right to what to do, as long as not crossing the line. n i mention to her, she can keep it, as long as the cat wouldnt be in the room when i am eating, nor sleeping. and not coming to my table or my area. i dun like to have any trace of the cat, not even a trace to be honest!! but i dont know y i jz cant say it. i am too stupid when it comes to this. i alwiz hv this second thought. thought such 'i dunt want to raised any problems with anyone', 'i dun want they hate me for what i do' and such such.. i hate this part of me. i alwiz think on their position into situation 1st, and suffered my self inside along. :'( and i hate my ' want to be perfect and a good people to my friends' part of me. this part of me just making me more worst inside.

and yesterday, i am staying at Syuk's room, couz i am not really really ready for this sudden changes. i dont want to stress up my mind which already in a mess, due to the workload and test, and in the mean time, i need to worry bout the blooody cat? i wont comment more . it just feeling sux. and i dun like it. in straight word, i hate it. i miss my fams. even at home, if there's a cat, my fams will keep it away from me. uh. i dont know. miss my buddies and all. how i wish there a more people with respect like my buddies. its not i am saying that people's around me din not respek me, but it just that, bout respecting each other privacy and all. bcoz we living in a sharing communities. my roomate would say that, she'l watch for the cat, yet,still thinking, till when she going to keep her promised. i just din hate the most. i even personally, hate whoever asking why i dont like cat and all all.. if i say i just dont like it, dont even to bother asking the same q all over again. that's annoying. eeii mr parkker!! =(

i cant wait to go back home for raya. cant bear with this anymore. i might ended mentally disturbed if i think lots lots more bout this bloody stuff. lots and lots more beneficial things for me to worried bout. whatever it is, aja-aja hwaiting far!!